he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
