hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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