I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
