You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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