I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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