somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
