The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
im six kinds of drunk right now
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
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