Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
