One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
