This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
