The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
