btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
