sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
