mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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