can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
