Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
