it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Two words: blizzard sex
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
