you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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