her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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