just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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