I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
