she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
