I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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