I'm so fucking centered right now
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
