I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
