Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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