Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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