I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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