I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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