This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
