i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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