uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
