but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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