i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
