My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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