Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
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found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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