I wish I could teleport
if only i could text you this smell
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
