I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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