did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
