Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
