I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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