I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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