he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
