In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
