I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
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Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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