Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
