his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
