the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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