was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
