take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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