Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
