Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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