He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
