sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
