I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
