Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
