I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
