I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
