but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
