i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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