Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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