2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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