planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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