and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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