If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
