Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
