capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He's a Shit stain on my heart
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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