I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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