so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
