Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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