did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
