i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
