I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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