Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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