I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
