remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
