He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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