I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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