well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
