now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
