I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he thought i was a dude.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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